Real talk about anxiety, depression, and learning to be enough.

I’m good. I got it. I’m fine. No, no it’s all good. No, I can do it, it’s okay. Sure, no problem. I’ll get it. It’s all good. To be honest, almost every time I said any of that, I was probably lying to appease someone. The people-pleasing I spoke about in my last blog is something that I have been doing all of my life. I don’t even remember how it started. I just remember feeling like I never wanted to bother anyone with anything. And I mean anything.

Fake it till you make it was something I remember hearing for as long as I can remember. It works too. I know because I used this tool, trick, thought process, whatever you want to call it, not most of my life but all of my life. I am good at it too. I mean really good at it. I have actually come to realize that I was too good at it. So good that I didn’t even really know myself, let alone let anyone else truly know me. There aren’t many people who truly know me when I th

You don’t know what you don’t know. About people–other people, that is. We all have our own journey. Our own trials and tribulations. Our own ups and our own downs. I was reminded of that quite recently. The other day, as I was finishing up watching the final episodes of one of my favourite shows I noticed that I was being really judgy about a guest that came on. This is one of those people, who for some reason, just drives me crazy. The funny thing is, I don’t even know t

Yes, I was catching up on one of my favourite shows again and yes, that is where this blog came from. There was a song sung about a young girl who was bullied so badly that she took her own life. That really hit hard. It hit hard because at thirteen, I attempted to take my own life. I remember how scared and alone I felt at that time, so when I heard this song, all I could think of was that poor girl. That poor family. Those damn bullies. And something I have only learn

Without darkness there is no light. That seems like such a simple thought, sentence, concept; but sometimes I find myself being fooled by the darkness. The title for this blog came to me while I was catching up on one of my favourite shows. It was actually a lyric from a song being sung on that show! I was struggling with multiple ideas for this next blog but then I heard a song, and in that song was this line, “Don’t let the darkness fool you.” and I thought, huh, that is ex

I was driving home tonight and realized that Henry has been much quieter and I am not sure when that happened. In fact, I haven’t been shoulding myself as much either and I’m not sure when that happened! Don’t get me wrong, Henry, that little hamster on the wheel in my head, can still be annoying, even when he isn’t saying quite as much, but at least he lets up every now and then. This downward spiral into a dark depression was also much shorter than they have been in the pas

I am doing it! I am continuing to question the “Shoulds” and Henry of course! Henry has softened his snide remarks and his outlook on what I should and should not be doing. Thank goodness!! Even with the questioning and although I was starting to feel lighter, I could feel that I was still struggling. Why is it that we can give everybody else in our lives, even strangers, so much grace and compassion, but we can’t do that for ourselves. Why are we so hard on ourselves?

I said a couple of blog posts ago that I was going to continue to question the shoulds and then I went into a pretty bad spiral as you know from my last blog post. Well, today I am questioning those shoulds again and that would include Henry! In case you haven’t read my previous blog posts, Henry is what I named the hamster on the wheel in my head. You know the ongoing negative chatter in your head. Henry can be the worst one of all about throwing the “Should” word out! Much

It has been a roller coaster of emotions. Henry and the shoulds have been rolling around in my brain like crazy! I have really been trying to question the shoulds and tell Henry to shut the heck up but boy has it been difficult. I have been feeling unworthy, less than, not enough, low, dark and so, so disappointed in myself. Henry keeps telling me that I should be doing this or I should be doing that. Then he keeps telling me to get up off of my butt and get going. If you rea